May22012
Dear Tumblr, the love of my life is a thin misanthropic hacker. She’s declared insane and violent by the state. But I’ve seen into her head and I know that she’s just intensly private and wants only for the world to leave her alone and allow her to do what she wants. Its not like she’s hurting anybody, well not unless they deserve it. She’s been mistreated her whole life and finally found stability and a way to protect herself.
She’s tough, calculating, and intensly beautiful. My issue is that she’s not even real.
I’ll admit it, Lisbeth Salander I love you. Though I think if you were real, you would hate me. I know this and yet I still long to see you walking down the street or scowling at me. I want to share a world with you, the fact that you don’t exist makes me feel empty. If people like you don’t really exist then who is it that I’m staying alive in hopes of meeting.
Maybe one day I’ll find you, or the inspiration for you. Know that I’ll be looking, my impossible love.
Blaize S.
April42012
I didn’t know you all that well.
You were jealous but some how always wanted someone on the side.
You seemed like a hypocrite and spent the few months making one of my friends life hell.
I don’t believe that you loved her. But you seemed to think you did.
You were sick, and no one wanted to help. We stuck you away. And then sent you away. You had only one person to reach too, one person that didn’t turn away.
But we thought she was too kind and you too callous and told her to turn with us to save her innocent heart.
Last night you called her and hung up quite suddenly.
You shot yourself Tasha, and now there is no helping you. You were lost and thought that a powder spark was the only light to guide you to peace. I passed judgement too quickly and told her to turn away. And in this carnage lies one dead and the other horribly changed.
You knew it was over for you Tasha and nothing could change that. I know she was special and the only one left, but why did you call her? What did it change? She’s too fragile for this treatment and you knew it. What was your hope for her to join you in Hell?
I’m sorry that things ended for you this way but I’m not about to forgive you just because you died. You twisted up a dear friend’s heart and then blew it all away. You broke her and found a way to escape picking the pieces. You’re a bitch Tasha, and vindictive too. Its probably something to do with your original issues but that no excuse, you didn’t do it purposely but the actions were still yours.
Still, I can’t help feeling sorry for you and sorry that things ended like this. You were just a well behaved monster with acid burns on one side of her face. But the burns were deeper than the skin and soon became something else, even though I’m mad as hell at you for doing what you did, I still hope that you manage to find peace on another plane without breaking some poor girl’s heart.
RIP Tasha Bennet
3/2/12
March182012
I got over a break up.
It took awhile because it took me a long time to realize that I shouldn’t have felt guilty for being myself. I shouldn’t have felt bad because I don’t have a gender, because I am androgynous. I shouldn’t have felt bad for being nervous. I shouldn’t have felt bad for not wanting to have a conversation that would have just ended in sullen silence. I shouldn’t have felt bad for the stuff that I carried for three months. I realize that and I don’t feel guilty anymore.
I certainly won’t feel guilty for wanting what I want anymore. And I don’t care who has an issue with it because I’m done letting other people’s emotions rule my life.
March172012
but not for long. Just here to post some angst.
I thought that trying again would give me closure. But it hasn’t.
I thought that I would be able to let go of all of the unspoken shit. But I wasn’t.
Now I’m done trying. Too many skeletons hang on me. I only have two more years left in this place and then my life will get infinitly better.
I don’t need friends here. Just people at school who are cool. I’m done trying.
I thought trying to reform old friendships would help me but it just made me realize that no one likes me anyway. How can they? I’m done and I’m gone.
January32012
Since you two are the only ones that follow me, I’m done tonight. No more tumblrs for me for the rest of ever. Also a lot less facebook too. I’ve realized that my internet communities only disguist and weaken me. From now on I’ll only be using youtube and a the sites that I read things on. Its time to start living for me.
